avoiding old friends.

I had two weddings I was invited to this past spring that I did not attend. I was dreading them from the moment I received the save the date cards. It wasn't that I did not want to support the brides. I loved the brides, they are two of the sweetest people I went to college with. I wanted nothing more than to share their special day with them but I just couldn't bring myself to make the commitment. There were so many other guests that would be present that I couldn't bring myself to face and force conversation with. The last time I encountered most of these people, I had a horrible time. I just did not have anything in common with them anymore. I had moved away and most of them hadn't so they had things to talk about with each other that left me out of the loop. It was awkward.

My bestest bud since I was seven will tell you that I have a problem with being... a snob (as she puts it). It's not that I think I am better than anyone, it's just that I get in these funks where I just don't have the energy to be friendly. Really the problem is, I can get really cynical at times. I feel it is a better use of my time to just avoid other people than to accidentally say something offensive to someone in a social setting. I have learned this the hard way. In high school, when most of this misanthropic behavior started, I was mean. I guess I didn't have the option to stay home from school when I was having a bad day. I tend to easily get annoyed or bored with people and what they do or do not have to say. It is taxing and frustrating.

Most of the time I am friends with everyone. If I am in a perky mood (which is 90% of the time), I really know how to work a room. I enjoy engaging people in conversation and learning what people have to say. The easiest way to begin a conversation is to ask questions that allows the other person to talk about themselves. People LOVE to talk about themselves. There is nothing wrong with this, we all do it. I am a total victim of it myself. The boyfriend will tell you that I complain about my job all the time. Which I do and I am making a conscious effort to stop.

Anyway, these weddings were putting me in one of THOSE moods, so I thought it best not to attend. In the meantime, other activities came up that prevented me from traveling to these weddings anyway. I guess my life knew I needed to not go. Sorry girls for missing your weddings. I will try harder to be at your first baby showers (eek scary).