avoiding old friends.

I had two weddings I was invited to this past spring that I did not attend. I was dreading them from the moment I received the save the date cards. It wasn't that I did not want to support the brides. I loved the brides, they are two of the sweetest people I went to college with. I wanted nothing more than to share their special day with them but I just couldn't bring myself to make the commitment. There were so many other guests that would be present that I couldn't bring myself to face and force conversation with. The last time I encountered most of these people, I had a horrible time. I just did not have anything in common with them anymore. I had moved away and most of them hadn't so they had things to talk about with each other that left me out of the loop. It was awkward.

My bestest bud since I was seven will tell you that I have a problem with being... a snob (as she puts it). It's not that I think I am better than anyone, it's just that I get in these funks where I just don't have the energy to be friendly. Really the problem is, I can get really cynical at times. I feel it is a better use of my time to just avoid other people than to accidentally say something offensive to someone in a social setting. I have learned this the hard way. In high school, when most of this misanthropic behavior started, I was mean. I guess I didn't have the option to stay home from school when I was having a bad day. I tend to easily get annoyed or bored with people and what they do or do not have to say. It is taxing and frustrating.

Most of the time I am friends with everyone. If I am in a perky mood (which is 90% of the time), I really know how to work a room. I enjoy engaging people in conversation and learning what people have to say. The easiest way to begin a conversation is to ask questions that allows the other person to talk about themselves. People LOVE to talk about themselves. There is nothing wrong with this, we all do it. I am a total victim of it myself. The boyfriend will tell you that I complain about my job all the time. Which I do and I am making a conscious effort to stop.

Anyway, these weddings were putting me in one of THOSE moods, so I thought it best not to attend. In the meantime, other activities came up that prevented me from traveling to these weddings anyway. I guess my life knew I needed to not go. Sorry girls for missing your weddings. I will try harder to be at your first baby showers (eek scary).

activities to prevent boredom at work.

Online games are blocked at work. Even the standard solitaire and minesweeper have been removed from my government issued computer. This can cause lots of problems when there is a severe lack of work to be done, which happens frequently. I have concocted a list of activities that serve to entertain me for most of the day before I get to go home and snuggle up with the boy and watched something beautiful on tv like Ken Burns' National Park videos or Planet Earth.

The first thing I do is update my budget. Since I am bored at work and have a tight a budget with all these student loans I have to pay off, I keep a very tight grasp on my expenses. I check my bank account and credit card statement daily. I record all my purchases. I update my mint account expenses to properly fall into the proper "budget categories". I calculate when I can pay off all my loans. I also play around with how much money I have to play with and how much is already doled out to set expenses. With the new move coming up, this has become the most fun because I am trying to see how long I can ACTUALLY go without a job and still make rent in NYC. It gets to be really fun! This all lasts for about ten minutes.

The next thing I do is go through my google reader! The best thing about the reader is that most of my blogs are blocked for one reason or another but they still feed through to my reader. Thank goodness. If I have a lot to read, this can keep me entertained for at least an hour.

I play solitaire on my company issued computer! This can be my saving grace when it's Friday and my favorite blogs are not updating as frequently. I try not to play too much because inevitably, my boss will catch me doing this. At least the other things look like I am busy doing something important, like internet research. I limit myself to ten minutes at a time.

When my boss is working from home, I take really long lunches. Since I normally bring my lunch and eat at my desk, this gives me the freedom to explore the nearby DSW. I feel as though this activity is work related because I usually am in search of work appropriate shoes. I try to stay within an hour limit in case someone in the office starts to notice I am gone.

I have started reading at my desk. This can be a tricky one if people tend to walk by a lot. They always want to know what you are reading so you can rarely pass it off as a work related text. I need to find some appropriate book covers in the future to help with this. This can take up at least two hours of your time if not more if you are good.

I do chair yoga. This is perfect because if someone catches me, I just tell them my shoulders were killing me from hunching over my computer and I needed a short break. Most people see this as legitimate and will ask you to show them some moves. This also really helps to relax and refocus when you are stressed. After about ten minutes, most yoga poses appropriate for an office have been exhausted.

Making lists is another way to use up time and is very productive. I am constantly making lists of things I need to do, things I need to buy, things I want to see, etc. This helps me organize my time after work to be the most efficient. It also keeps me from forgetting things, because I do that a lot. This varies by week day. Usually Friday and Monday allow the most time for list making because I can plan the week and weekend respectively. The middle days are usually all planned out.

I am always looking for new ways to waste time. I am hoping at whatever new job I take, I won't have to worry about this. :)

i have a penpal

The other day, I received a letter from an old friend of mine. Yep, a real snail mail letter. I was beyond excited to receive this letter as no one sends mail anymore. The letter contained three full pages of information on my friend's trying times. He has been struggling with his career aspirations and his plans to move forward. He literally complained to me about his life and family for 3 pages! In the letter he apologized for being so pessimistic but at the end of the letter, I was happy to read about it. He was completely candid with me. He wrote exactly what he was feeling and told me exactly what was going on in his life. He didn't hide or sugarcoat anything. He was just telling me exactly how he feels.

I agree that having someone complain all the time can be very... annoying. However, I have known this friend for a LONG time and I know that he is not one to constantly complain. Our past conversations have usually been filled with excitement and fun. I knew he just needed to be truthful with me about what was going on with him these days.

A lot of people do not like this kind of openness in conversation. When you ask someone in passing, "Hey, how are you?" most people respond with just good, fine or what have you. They never go beyond that, because they think, "who really cares how I am?" Sometimes, you just need to let it out. It is okay to let people know that you are doing exceptional because you just got a promotion or that you are in down in the dumps because you ran over a possum (true story).

the job hunt

I am currently looking for a new position because the boy and I want to move to New York City. I recently had my first phone interview of the job hunting season and I thought it went pretty well. I acted interested, asked questions, answered thoroughly. Unfortunately, when I sent my thank you email, I asked the interviewer to provide me with some feedback. He decided that he would take the chance to tell me how he felt and he railed on me! I was almost in tears after reading his response. I stopped the tears because, well, I asked for it.

The good thing is, I can learn from this. I did not want the job because it was too far outside of the city for my liking and it must have come off in the interview. I took the interview so that I could gain some practice since I have not had one in a while. He provided me with feedback that I can take on to the next interview I have with a job that I really want! So, I got what I came for. The best part about it, he even offered me a second interview, which I respectfully declined. There was no need to waste his time anymore!

bored at work

I have a lot of frustrations with my job. There are many days when I have very little to do and even more days when there is absolutely nothing to do. In response, I am going to write in my free time.

My original intention was to write a book. I have about a third of a chapter complete. It took me over two years to complete that much so it only makes sense to blog instead. I am not a writer and starting a book was just a silly idea. My friends were the ones that pushed me to try it. I have a lot of good stories. Unfortunately, I lack the ability to translate my spoken stories into written word. I am able to make them a lot more dramatic when I add my facial expressions and those just don't seem to come out when I write.

I have already used up a good half hour creating and starting my blog! Sweet.

Since it seems to work already, my dear followers, you will probably be reading a lot more from me. I have a lot to say, most of it will be rambling, some of it will be a waste of your time, a small portion of it may make you laugh, and none of it will be profound. :)